How the Never Ending Story has so much more to teach us than it's okay to be gay with a luck dragon. Especially if you're twelve. Next time you're at a party, why not impress with these new social skills...Wait till someone starts talking to you, gaze mysteriously past their shoulder and when they ask you what you're looking at, flinch, say “nothing”, then trail off whispering, "nothing, the nothing, such small hands, such small hands…."
Spend most of the party in someone's bedroom speed-reading all their books. Go for the thickest book, always be three quarters of the way through it and laugh hilariously at the most tragic bits. Laugh loudly so people realise you're in there. If all they have are old comics or Jilly Cooper novels try doing some illegible writing of your own. If someone interrupts you, flinch, put your hand over the page and say, "The video arcade is down the street. Here we just sell small rectangular objects. They're called books. They require a little effort on your part, and make no bee-bee-bee-bee-beeps. On your way please."
After speed reading through most of the books, pull up the window and look out shouting "Call my name Bastion! Call my name!"...Then when someone comes in look disappointed and mumble "Hey, you're not a racing snail"....
Learn to make your nose bleed on will, say something illegible with lots of poly-syllabic words like, 'the enigma of the numeric pneumatic is really quite existentially satisfying, don't you think', clutch your head and start whisper, "to the winch wench". People will think you're a genius like that guy out of 'Ԉ'.
If no one else is dancing, get on the dance floor and dance like you've smoked some chemical pot out of a jar labelled Kate Bush. Look pissed off if anyone joins you, leave immediately if they do. This is a one man show. Whilst doing Kate Bush dance use hand pulling motions from the ground and shout, 'Artex, noooooooooooooooooo'...
Point to the fittest person in the room, tell the person you're chatting up that you dumped them because they didn't understand the special relationship you have with Falcor.
If all else fails, grab the closest person, shake them by the shoulders, scream “The princess is dying!!!!” in their face and flee the room.
